Sun. Oct 1st, 2023
the fear of intimacy?

Intimacy is often perceived in terms of physicality. Although that is one dimension of it, but not the entire concept. 

Being intimate with another person means being yourself in the very true form, without any façade or filter. It thus relates to experiencing another person in their elemental form, physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

However, many people face the problem of being intimate because they do not want to be vulnerable in front of another person. This fear of intimacy may be your body’s defense mechanism, but it gets in the way of your relationships. 

Relationship and intimacy 

Being intimate with the crowd is not an expectation of people but being intimate with your partner and spouse. Often, it is the physical intimacy that gets in the way, especially when you have no prior experience to begin. Good news is you can seek help from a sexologist when it comes to issues of just physical intimacy. 

Otherwise, if that is your personality trait, more rigorous intervention might then be required then. 

Signs of fear of intimacy 

People who have a fear of intimacy are caught between a rock and hard place. While they value their relationships, their fear prevents them from being their true self, that then hampers the growth of the relationships. 

Some signs that you might also have this fear include:

You feel misunderstood

Your partner might think that you do not want this relationship, however, reality is quite the opposite. You treasure it, but your lack of sexual and emotional intimacy then gets in the way. 

For you, it’s just the way your brain works, for them, it is what you want out of the relationship. Result: misunderstanding. 

You are afraid of commitment 

Another sign that you be afraid of intimacy is your inability to commit. When one has to commit to a relationship, they then have to lower their guards, which is something that you are afraid to do. 

You are a perfectionist

Unfortunately, perfectionism is lauded as a trait, but it really is not. People who are perfectionists not only loses a lot of their selves in trying to do something, which can be exhausting, but they also feel the need to be perfect in order to be loved. And without being perfect, what exists is their fear of intimacy. 

You cannot ask for things 

Fear of intimacy boils down of being vulnerable enough to ask things of others, whether it be material things or support. Since people with their fear do not want people to owe them things, or do not consider themselves worthy of asking people to begin with, they hardly voice their needs. 

You are shy of physical contact 

Another sign that you are afraid of intimacy is you shy away from physical contact, especially the one sexual in nature. Conversely, some people with intimacy issues might want a lot of physical contact for support. 

Dealing with the fear

Be kinder to yourself 

One way to cope with intimacy is by being kinder to yourself. Know that you are worthy of love and respect. You do not have to be perfect to get attention from your loved ones. 

Once you start being compassionate to yourself, things will get easier. 

Know we’re all vulnerable 

Vulnerability is part of human experience, and everyone is just as vulnerable as you. Don’t let it deter you from pursuing love. 


Since the fear of intimacy has significantly to do with your mental health, you might then need help of a therapist. There are many reasons why you might not be comfortable being intimate; perhaps it’s your fear of abandonment or its anxiety or you have a history of abuse, understanding and mitigating these causes is important for healing. 

You can also consult a specialist like the Best Sexologist in Lahore if your fear of intimacy is firmly grounded around sex only. 


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